Life sometimes throws you clues - as in, what I should be doing. I've spent the last few months obsessing over energy, stressing because I don't know what to do about it, questioning my "faith" (e.g. does it matter? what are ethics anyway?), and becoming convinced that while coming to Berkeley was a great choice, I am probably studying the wrong subject.
And then, the semester ended, just like that, and I found myself with time (sort of), no money, and a job offer to hang out with 8th graders learning to kayak on the Kern River. Over the course of a week, I fell in love with 21 8th graders, their teachers, kayaking (again), and living out of my car (again). Why am I not teaching already?
Two weeks ago I sought advice from a professor regarding what I should do... and although the conversation ended before it was finished, I was left with a question to ponder. What would I do if I could do exactly what I wanted? Before coming to Berkeley, I didn't know. Now, I do know. I want to spend 25% of my time working in sustainibility/energy, 25% of my time teaching (high school?), 25% outdoors stuff for others (management, leading trips), and 25% outdoors stuff for me. Serendipitously, I was rejected for the lucrative SMART fellowship last week as well, freeing me from the comfort of stability on the path that I'm on. Should I drop out now? In a year? Continue on this path, get the degree, and then teach?
Perhaps I am just suffering from a broken heart and I will feel better tomorrow. I don't know how teachers cope with it.
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